How could he have made her stay a little longer
For him there was no bargaining
To keep a better tomorrow
Because everything is darkening
Even the forest fires are devoid of lightness
There is just the heat and the murk
His own heart is no longer safe
These endings make the body an exit to the souls inhabiting them
Darling, he is happy you did not let your heorte down
She betrayed herself only to rid herself of him
He hopes she finds a way
Minds more unclear
Thinking she left without him
Not for one second does he forget the sorrow of her absence
He does not have to find their eyes to know what is inside when he buys his next drink
To be around the hum of human life
How many bottles just this week
Blurred vision he has lost his way
So take your pick
The cigarettes or the drink
What did him in
Anything but labeling it a product of this pain
His refusal to go out any other way but a philosophical decision
To show just how unbearable this sycophantic society disjointed from reality is
He will keep on smiling until the very end
Blind deaf and dumb and bound by string
Beyond these slanderous serpent tongues
Do not soften the knife
Twisting, let it sink in
You would not think a thing
We have reached the deep end
He is disappointed in them
This house in shambles
With no rising sun
Yeah, he wonders just how little she knows
That she is still with him everywhere he goes
Along these mean streets a man walks alone
He knows this wound does not bleed
Certain he will stop speaking to people
But those of feathers
Here there will be only the dull horns
This is true catastrophe
Planning visitations by dreams alone
Misanthropic godless excess without substance
This place is behaviorally ludicrous
Her voice comes in and out
All those terrible things spoken
Like Poe said, years of love lost in the hatred of a moment
Truth is, he does not know what happened between she and him
Figures she is as happy as can be, Keroauc put it
Broke free
Omit it all his life has been torn apart
Left bent and crooked to this abominable language
He is still alive and here to apologize
She was pondering those red lights before turning to him in that traffic
A New York cityscape igniting their eyes when they meet
The sounds of idolatry a serrated lullaby
Chemistry between these two entities behind sifting glass
When you are parked beside somebody a long time it is hard not to move on
And say goodbye
Let it die
See what is inside
They did it on the side of the road
Slow moving cars rolling by extraterrestrial
Hazard lights on and howling at the moon
Trying to buy back in after the one thing he could not afford to lose
Somebody left the light on at the end of this tunnel
To illuminate finality
This is a cash out with no will
Amazed that they cost themselves the love of a lifetime
Thank you to these angels
He is enormously grateful for this high
An angry song on repeat
Chasing the weed with booze and lies
Car wrecks and bullets
He is just trying to drive and the moon will not quit falling on his head
Whistling the tune he sings it and tastes blood
He ends on that bitter note screaming
Having survived this once
They would never change, these imbeciles
He has come a long way since and still breathing
Hanging by a thread
Each day a new disappointment
Slowly drifting away
He cannot understand how she could put this space between them
Been on the edge
Knows the temptation
Why now when they are so far
Here at the bottom
But the thing is
The world sees just what they gave up
So the need of her love
Is a walk from the cradle to the grave
Because he is not finding it
Everyone seems to be unstable and medicated
She knows how he thinks
The light he sees her in is perfection
The strongest even
He would be her greatest triumph
The dragon slayed
To get over her too good heart
Do what is right
Cleaning up this mess he created
He is proud of her, he is, her purpose greater than his
He will take the empty promises and the ruin
As he wonders watching the birds too high above to hear singing
Was there one to call it quits
And stop fluttering them tired wings
Fall to this earth
True heart hurt, collapsing for her
Love yourself sick and laugh about it
What he would do to listen to hers
Those birds
He would be the suicide bird
Crash landing in her garden
Deep enough where she would not see a feathered soul
The rain would forever weep and come down in every shape
To grow again
Just stop and think, it is all spinning
Them pretty little birds that came out from inside that rattling bush
It is to the point moments such as those bring him to tears
They were looking for food and seemed so hungry
In flight but capable of gluttony as we
Snapping at scraps to span their wings
Lately it has been astonishing
The way people have amnesia
Cloud desert humanity
It is possible we are on the verge of something that will leave us in disbelief
Spare him now
He has seen everything
The distortion rings, it is barely enough
Red cape spiraling
Not in surrender but welcoming
Bring on the bull
Carve the meat and set it in stone
This is it
It meant everything
There will be plenty left behind to decipher
Pray for him
He would sacrifice his soul for you
With each epic poem
Chaos reiterative
It is hard to imagine he would heal from this
Or tolerate these droves of cannibals
He is aware that death might not be the end
Would you lend him the world, please
He has become forsaken
Fallen, there has been many before him
Nothing to this epitaph
Scorched earth, give him oblivion
So he can die for something
Which would be in the name of suffering
The company he keeps
Time slips away
All hope is lost
We bear witness
You just watch
He does not feel a thing for you or this populace
The cracks in the pavement led him to treasure deep in the ocean
He walks in like Woolf did without asking you to follow him there
Only that you solemnly swear
You will remember the love they were capable of
When he goes there will be no note
It would go unread like the rest
So take it from him if you are listening
A Viking funeral for the masses
What does that small boat carry across the river?
If it is true that the good king gave away his riches
Bury him deep
That boy once had a heart of gold
Upon this vestige
Speculative sanctuaries inhabiting these carrion lives
These homes, you know what is inside
Sick little Grendels
A proliferation of mental illness
The mother the worst of them
There is a consensus of decline
Travel down, this is our descent
A wishing well dried up toward no whale-road
Not even a penny to toss inside
It has only ever been goodbye
To rip the pin tethering him to this place
Torn from this life that has only ever been a crucifixion
There is a phantom beating like an amputee
This aching heart toppled over its laboring throne
Last love, last grace, last penance, last dollar and drink
That day they met
She would laugh at the top of her lungs
The boy gone astray carries a muse
With storms coming in
Chain smoking and driving
Crying, praying, hoping, dreaming, and dying
The clouds shoot like meteors
Sun set low in a crevice such as their explosion and a too far out of reach flame
Never relent
Not yet, follow the beacon
Harbor the consequence
It beat for you
It beat for you.
/
ANTHONY GEDELL writes from New Jersey publishing in Hobart, Poverty House, Variant, Revolution John, Punk Noir Magazine, and Bull. His debut novel, Love Lies in the Throes of Rhetoric, is out now.
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